I love pro wrestling. It’s so stupid it’s fun.
This weekend is Wrestlemania, making this weekend my favorite of the year. Despite some conspiracy theorists claiming it’s fixed, my picks for each match are as follows:
WrestleMania 37 Night 1
Bobby Lashley (c) vs Drew McIntyre - WWE Championship Match It's hard to root against Bobby Lashley ever since 2016 when it became apparent that he may have saved western civilization during the Battle of the Billionaires at Wrestlemania 23. If he lost that match, would Donald Trump have become President? Doubtful. Also, Bobby is American. Drew is not. Easy choice. My pick: Bobby Lashley Sasha Banks (c) vs Bianca Belair - SmackDown Women's Championship Match Sasha Banks is one of my son's favorite wrestlers. Bianca has the dumbest hair style for a contact sport I've ever seen. Easy choice. My pick: Sasha Banks Bad Bunny & Damian Priest vs. The Miz & John Morrison I have no idea who Bad Bunny is. I guess he makes music? I'm too old to know, or care. There's no way a musician with no professional wrestling experience could beat wrestlers as accomplished as Miz and Morrison, but celebrities always have a way of miraculously picking up a win a Wrestlemania. My choice: Miz & Morrison. My prediction: Bad Bunny & Damian Priest. Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins These guys are feuding? Cesaro is an aging tag-team guy and Seth Rollins is a younger multi-time world champion. My pick: Seth Rollins The New Day(c) vs AJ Styles & Omos - Raw Tag Team Championship Match I don't care who he's wrestling, I always cheer for AJ Styles and his beautiful hair. Easy choice. Verdict: AJ Styles & that giant black guy Braun Strowman vs Shane McMahon - Steel Cage Match Braun Strowman is a monster among men and world champion material. Shane McMahon is in his fifties and wrestles once a year. Braun is also my son's favorite wrestler. Easy choice. Verdict: Braun Strowman Naomi & Lana vs. Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke vs. The Riott Squad vs. Natalya & Tamina - Tag Team Turmoil Match Lana is the best looking woman in this match by far. Easy choice. My pick: Lana & whoever her partner is
WrestleMania 37 Night 2
Roman Reigns (c) vs Edge vs Daniel Bryan - Universal Championship Triple Threat Match This match is main eventing Wrestlemania, as it should. All three are great wrestlers, but Edge is old and Bryan is past his prime, whereas Roman Reigns is in his. Having Paul Heyman and an Uso at ringside can't hurt either. I'm only hesitant to pick Reigns as the winner because coincidentally, jerks never win the main event. My pick: Roman Reigns. My prediction: Edge The Fiend vs. Randy Orton Remember when Randy Orton faced Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania 33 and Orton was repulsed when worms were projected onto the ring during the match? I wish I didn't either. My pick: The Fiend. Big E (c) vs Apollo Crews - Intercontinental Championship Nigerian Drum Fight Match wtf is a Nigerian Drum Fight Match? My pick: Apollo Crews by coin-toss Riddle (c) vs Sheamus - United States Championship Match Sheamus has a great career in reverse, so he's due for a Wrestlemania loss. This match is Riddle's if he can stay sober enough. Verdict: Matt Riddle Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn I prefer this be a "You're Fired" match and KO wins. My pick: Kevin Owens Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax vs. the winner of the Tag Team Turmoil Match from Night 1 - WWE Women's Tag Team Title Match Winner: My bladder.
In celebration of Mania, I’ve giving away my pro wrestling graphic novel, The Dirtsheets, free on Kindle all weekend long. Get it here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08KVPX3ZC