Trapped in Kayfabe: Crown Jewel 2021

By Oscar Murillo

Ah yes, Crown Jewel. The Wrestlemania-quality event that nobody seems to really care about. Maybe because it’s a Thursday afternoon? Maybe because it’s in Saudi Arabia? Maybe because it’s paid for with royal oil money? I don’t know, but this is the first time I’m watching any Crown Jewel. Let’s check out the card:

Roman Reigns (c) vs. Brock Lesnar, Universal Champion Championship

This match was supposed to main event Wrestlemania 36 but the Saudis get it instead. Better late than never. I don't even care who wins, the three guys involved are three of the GOATS. Prediction: Everybody wins

Big E (c) vs. Drew McIntyre, WWE Championship

In the words of my five year old son, "If I ever saw the worst wrestler ever, Big E would be even worse." We're an anti-Big E household after that line. Prediction: Drew McIntyre

Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley (No Holds Barred)

Are Jews even allowed to wrestle in Saudi Arabia? Prediction: Bobby Lashley

Edge vs. Seth Rollins (Hell in a Cell)

I'm leaning towards the guy fifteen years his opponent's junior and without the spinal surgery. Prediction: Seth Freakin' Rollins

RK-Bro vs. AJ Styles & Omos, WWE Raw Tag Team Championship

There's a good chance Matt Riddle will be arrested, jailed and whipped for possession upon landing in Saudi Arabia. Prediction: AJ Styles & Omos

Mansoor vs. Mustafa Ali

As if the only Saudi on the roster is going to lose. Prediction: Mansoor

Doudrop vs. Zelina Vega, Queen's Crown Tournament Finals

Zelina weights eight pounds. Prediction: The fat chick

Finn Balor vs. Xavier Woods, King of the Ring Finals

Please send Finn back to NXT. Prediction: Finn doesn't make an entrance with his gay cheerleaders


Nine matches and only one is a woman’s match? Nice. Maybe Saudi Arabia isn’t so bad after all. The rest of the show looks good too. I’m especially looking forward Brock vs Roman. Prediction: Nobody mentions Saudi ties to 9/11

Read The Dirtsheets, a dark comedy pro wrestling graphic novel, on Amazon Kindle or paperback

Oscar Murillo is a casual wrestling fan who has the internet and is therefore an expert on all things wrestling.

ABC Degeneracy: An Alphabet Book for Degenerates, now on Amazon.

Trapped in Kayfabe: WWE Extreme Rules 2021

I like the guy with the cross.

My picks for Extreme Rules

Roman Reigns (c) vs. “The Demon” Finn Bálor, Universal Champion Championship

Remember when Finn Balor made his Wrestlemania entrance with all those gay flags? lol. Prediction: The Big Dog

Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Alexa Bliss, Raw Women’s Championship

Alexa is the best looking chick on the show, so why put her in the creepy makeup? Stupid. Prediction: Alexa Bliss

Becky Lynch (c) vs. Bianca Belair, SmackDown Women’s Championship

In a sport where everything is dumb, wrestling with a five foot pony tail might be the dumbest idea yet. Prediction: My bathroom break doesn't take long enough.

Damian Priest (c) vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Sheamus, United States Championship


I'm pretty sure Damian Priest is Satan. Likewise, Sheamus sports crosses. Obviously I want Sheamus to win, but I think Priest pins Hardy. Prediction: Satan

The Usos (c) vs. The Street Profits, SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match

The skinny (by wrestling standards) guy annoys the shit out of me even more than the Usos' bizarre hood accent. Prediction: Usos

Liv Morgan vs. Carmella

So 3 out of 6 matches this show are women's matches? Prediction: I put my kids to bed without a fight because they think this show sucks too.


Wowza. I haven’t been this uninterested in a PPV since Hell in a Cell, way back in June. WWE has been hit or miss lately. This month is a big miss. I just want my monthly wrestling fix but instead we get three women’s matches and a bunch of jabronis I don’t care about. If WWE wants me to stay interested, I suggest they feature better male wrestlers. Prediction: I fall asleep before the main event.

Read The Dirtsheets, a dark comedy pro wrestling graphic novel, on Amazon Kindle or paperback

Oscar Murillo is a casual wrestling fan who has the internet and is therefore an expert on all things wrestling.

ABC Degeneracy: An Alphabet Book for Degenerates, available on Amazon October 8

Trapped in Kayfabe: Money in the Bank 2021

Following last month’s weak pay-per-view, WWE is rebounding with Money in the Bank. It looks like a good show. My picks for each match:

Money in the Bank 2021

Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Kofi Kingston - WWE Championship

Bobby is jacked. Real jacked. Kofi has muscles that go inward. Prediction: The savior of western civilization, Bobby Lashley

Roman Reigns (c) vs. Edge - Universal Championship

Roman is the best in the world and Edge is pushing 50. Sorry, Edge. Prediction: The Big Dog

Women's Money in the Bank Match

I really wish Alexa Bliss didn't wear that creepy makeup. Save that for one of the ugly chicks. Asuka needs to ditch the green paint too. Prediction: Alexa Bliss

Men's Money in the Bank Match

This has match of the night potential. I like a lot of these wrestlers and Kevin Owens is always eager to kill himself when tall things are around. Matt Riddle is really growing on me too. Prediction: Big E

Rhea Ripley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair - Raw Women's Championship

I'll be putting my kids to bed during this match. Prediction: My daughter refuses to brush her teeth and manages to break something.

AJ Styles & Omos (c) vs. The Viking Raiders - Raw Tag Team Championship

I've only seen Omos wrestle once (the night they won the belts). He's definitely a spectacle to look at but he moved like The Great Khali. Ok, maybe not that bad but hopefully he steps up his game. I'll be pissed if he makes AJ lose the belt. It's impossible to root against AJ. Prediction: AJ Styles & Omos

Rey & Dominik Mysterio (c) vs. The Usos - Smackdown Tag Team Championship

The Usos are legit and Dominik hasn't been a to gym despite being groomed for the position he's in. Prediction: The Usos

MITB will be the first show in a long time to have a live audience and a rowdy crowd can make a bad show entertaining. Even if the matches are lackluster, the audience will make it fun. I’m really looking forward to this show. Prediction: The crowd is the star.

Read The Dirtsheets, a dark comedy pro wrestling graphic novel, on Amazon Kindle or paperback

Oscar Murillo is a casual wrestling fan who has the internet and is therefore an expert on all things wrestling.


Trapped in Kayfabe: Hell in a Cell 2021

It’s time for another WWE pay per view. Unfortunately, I haven’t been this uninterested in a ppv in quite a while. However, I’m a sucker for wrasslin’ and will still watch it. Well, most of it, anyways. Okay, at least the main event.

Despite the conspiracy theories that claim wrestling is fixed, my picks for each match are as follows:

Hell in a Cell 2021

Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Drew McIntyre - AEW World Title, Hell in a Cell

Bobby Lashley has really suprised me as champ. Regardless, I still can't root against the man who saved Western Civilization at Wrestlemania 23. Prediction: The Almighty Bobby Lashley

Roman Reigns (c) vs. Rey Mysterio - Universal Championship, Hell in a Cell

I'm sick of WWE constantly telling us Rey and Domique are the first father-son tag team champions. Like, quit lying to us, we're not stupid.. We all know that's Eddie's kid. Reigns is the big dog and Rey is a tiny chuhauhau. Easy pick. Predition: Roman Reigns

Rhea Ripley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair - Raw Women's Championship

Don't care. I'll be putting my kid to bed this match. Prediction: We read a dinosaur book and he pees the bed.

Bianca Belair (c) vs. Bayley - Smackdown Women's Championship

Until Bianca cuts that stupid rope off her head, I will always root against her. At least Bayley is entertaining. Reluctant prediction: Bianca Belair

Alexa Bliss vs. Shayna Baszler

It's hard to not pick the girl who can summon demons. Or have magic powers. Or do whatever it is she does. Prediction: Alexa Bliss


Seth Rollins vs Cesaro

At the time of writing, this match hasn't been announced but seems likely. These guys can put up a good fight but Seth is Seth Freaking Rollins and Cesaro is... Cesaro. Prediction: Seth Rollins

I’m not sure I’ll even watch this show. Half the matches are women’s matches, which means I’ll be fast forwarding through half the PPV. The main event looks fun but I don’t really care about the rest. You know what would make this show hella more interesting? Braun Strowman Prediction: I spend three hours browsing twitter.

Read The Dirtsheets, a dark comedy pro wrestling graphic novel, on Amazon Kindle or paperback

Oscar Murillo is a casual wrestling fan who has the internet and is therefore an expert on all things wrestling.


Trapped in Kayfabe: Double or Nothing 2021

I can’t believe it’s already been three months since Eddie Kingston died saving Jon Moxley’s life during the Exploding Barbed Wire Death Match. AEW’s follow-up ppv, Double or Nothing, is this Sunday.

Despite some conspiracy theorists claiming it’s fixed, my picks for each match are as follows:

Double or Nothing 2021

Kenny Omega (c) vs. Orange Cassidy vs. Pac - AEW World Title

I watched TNA for the first time in a decade to watch Omega win their belt. The guy is killing it right now. Pac has to pin Orange Cassidy if he wants to win. I really like Orange, but I doubt he'll put in enough effort to win the match. Prediction: Kenny Omega

The Young Bucks (c) vs. Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston - AEW Tag Team Titles

Eddie Kingston is still alive? It's a miracle! If Jon and Eddie can beat Death from the last ppv, they can beat the Young Bucks. Prediction: Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston

Hikaru Shida (c) vs. Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D. - AEW Women’s World Championship

Not only is Dr. Baker an American, she's from Pittsburgh. Easy choice. Prediction: Britt Baker

Miro (c) vs. Lance Archer (with Jake Roberts) - TNT Title

I've hated Lance Archer since his early TNA days. It's that damn tramp stamp. When conspiracy theorists aren't busy claiming wrestling is fixed, they claim it's gay. Lance's tramp stamp doesn't help dispute that. Besides, the show falls on Rusev Day. Prediction: Miro

The Pinnacle (MJF, Wardlow, Shawn Spears, Cash Wheeler and Dax Harwood) (with Tully Blanchard) vs. The Inner Circle (Chris Jericho, Jake Hager, Sammy Guevara, Santana and Ortiz) - Stadium Stampede (If Inner Circle loses, they must disband)

wtf is a Stadium Stampede match? Regardless, Jericho always has a few tricks up his up his spiked sleeve. Prediction: The Inner Circle

Sting and Darby Allin vs. Scorpio Sky and Ethan Page

I couldn't be less interested in Scorpio Sky and the other guy. Prediction: Sting and Skateboard Sting.

Cody Rhodes (with Arn Anderson) vs. Anthony Ogogo

Anthony Ogogo per wrestlinginc: "I hate this notion that America is the greatest country in the world. ‘Land of the free’, Utter bullsh*t. Land of the free? That’s where they capture kids and stick them in cages?... Americans go, ‘America, best country in the world.’ You ain’t the best country in Northern America if you don’t even look after your citizens, if you take kids away from their parents and lock them in cages."

The only thing more worthless than a government program is a foreigner's opinion. I hope Cody turns him into a good communist. BTW, didn't Ogogo get the memo that "progressives" aren't supposed to talk about the "kids in cages" now that Biden is President? Stupid idiot. Prediction: Cody Rhodes 

Casino Battle Royal - Christian Cage vs. Matt Sydal vs. Powerhouse Hobbs vs. Evil Uno vs. Colt Cabana vs. Preston Vance vs. Jungle Boy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Marq Quen vs. Isiah Kassidy vs. Penta El Zero Miedo vs. TBA

I don't know who most of those people are. I don't care. Prediction: TBA

“Hangman” Adam Page vs. Brian Cage (with Taz)

How is it even physically possible for anyone to beat Brian Cage? Prediction: Brian Cage

This is going to be a good show. Nine matches and only one women’s match (take note WWE). The thing I’m looking forward to most is the live crowd, which is just as important as any wrestler inside the ring. Prediction: Aside from having acommie on my television, Double or Nothing is going to be fun.

Read The Dirtsheets, a dark comedy pro wrestling graphic novel, on Amazon Kindle or paperback

Oscar Murillo is a casual wrestling fan who has the internet and is therefore an expert on all things wrestling.